From writer Laura LaVoie:
“Don’t shake the eggs!”
“Don’t drop them!”
Matt laughs at me when I gingerly pick out the eggs from the cooler and place my chosen dozen carefully in the top basket of the cart where you usually put a kid. He begins to move the cart aggressively just to see me squirm. “Stop,” I squeal.
“What is it with you and eggs?”
“Well, you need to be careful with them. If they break in the package you’ve wasted all your money.”
“They’re like your children.”
I watch the grocery bagger handle the eggs. I feel a pit in my stomach because I think he is being a bit too aggressive with them. Thankfully he puts them in their own bag so I don’t have to ask him to do it over. Eggs can’t be in the same bag with anything heavy. That seems obvious to me. After all the groceries are bagged and back in our cart, Matt starts pushing it toward the car. He isn’t thinking about the eggs at all. I keep an eye on the bag of eggs the whole time the cart is moving. The first thing I do when we get to the car is put the eggs in the front seat before we load the rest into the trunk. When I slide into the car, I hold the eggs protectively in my lap. Occasionally I pet the carton assuring the eggs that they will be well taken care of. Maybe I was a chicken in a past life.
We’re at Matt’s mom’s house. I want to make a couple of fried eggs for lunch. I might protect them in the package but then I eat them. It is disturbing when you think about it so I try not to do that too much. I pull out the carton with the three remaining eggs. Each one was broken and stuck to the Styrofoam carton. I hold it up to Matt.
“See! See! This is what I mean. When you’re not careful with them they break and they’re not usable anymore!”
“its fine, we can buy more.”
“It’s a waste of money. And eggs. She [his mom] should be more careful.”
I had a dream last night that all of the eggs in the carton were broken. A nightmare, really. Yolks were everywhere. I was devastated.
I’ve never had much of what you would call a maternal instinct. Even though I am creeping up on 40 I am not sorry that I didn’t have kids. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything. Lots of friends have great kids that I get to know and my nephews are super awesome. Some people channel their energy into their pets or creative endeavors. I guess I do those things as well. I also channel whatever remnant of nurturing feelings I have left into eggs. Precious little eggs.