I bought a box of sparklers for the holiday — those narrow sticks that fizz and pop and sputter out within a minute.
Cashier: The kids are gonna love these!
Me: Well, actually no…
Cashier: Oh! The grandkids, huh?
Me: No, I don’t have kids or grandkids. The sparklers are for me.
The look she gave me! Surely only child molesters and crazy people would buy sparklers for their own jollies.