The other day, a NotMom friend shared her plans for when she dies. No, I didn’t ask…somehow it fell into the flow of the conversation. She’s never been married, no kids, no sisters or brothers and, as she put it, “a house full of good stuff.” She said she knows exactly which girlfriends will handle things once she passes away.
The conversation made me remember “Lucy”, a NotMom I met a few years back. Lucy is extremely organized. In choosing an executor and preparing her will at 45, Lucy asked her closest girlfriends to accept duties for emptying her home and distributing goods to themselves and charity. That’s when John Lennon’s lyrics come to mind once more: “Life is just what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
Two of Lucy’s friends died unexpectedly and in quick succession. What happens when the friends you count on to handle things pass away before you do? Perhaps the answer is the same as when someone you were going to leave things to precedes you in death. You change your will.
The solution for Lucy at this point is a sworn vow to review her final wishes with her lawyer every single year “whether I lose another girlfriend or not.” The question she doesn’t want to ask (who does?) is, What happens if I run out of friends?
Lucy’s story showed me that singIe NotMoms have stressors that I can’t envision, all because I have HubbyMine. Who takes care of my junk when I leave? The current plan is, him. I don’t have zillions to pass on (yet), but besides my husband, friends and charities, my list is quite short: my 46 y/o cousin (who hasn’t spoken to me in a year), my 20 y/o goddaughter and my (unofficial) 24 y/o godson.
It’s really not that hard to envision the world without you on it. I’d rather think of my buds helping HubbyMine soldier on without me than me trying to live without all of them. It does seem clear that married or not, NotMoms rely heavily on girlfriends for much of their joy, comfort, security and adventure, now and forever.