After reviewing the list of Celeb NotMoms on this site, a friend asked me if it was “fair” to include women who were known to be lesbians. Her thinking was, “Well, of course they’re not gonna have kids!”
I didn’t agree with the statement in my gut. It just didn’t feel true. To date, I haven’t had a close friendship with a lesbian, so facts about lesbian households weren’t top-of-mind. It was my Common Sense that whispered “Bullshit.”
According to the 2000 U.S. Census, 1/3 of lesbian households have children. Here’s what I believe to be true about women,:
- Every woman has options to reach for if she wants to raise a child, including natural or surrogate birth, adoption, and kinship care.
- That effort can be more challenging for lesbians.
- Not every woman feels maternal urgings.
- Not every lesbian lacks maternal urgings.
We all know the celeb lesbian Moms, including Rosie O’Donnell, Melissa Etheridge, Cynthia Nixon and Sara Gilbert. What’s the measure being used to say that someone “can’t be” a NotMom? Think about this:
I list both Portia deRossi and her spouse, Ellen deGeneres, as NotMoms. Some might say that Ellen is more of a “NotDad.” I get the point, but what I believe to be true about Ellen’s body is that she has all the parts to produce a child. She certainly has the wherewithal to attract a child to her life if that were her choice. Is it so hard to think that a lesbian woman might define herself, with or without melancholy, as being a NotMom?
As NotMom Kathy Griffin would say, “Where my gays at?” What say you?