Away from the workplace and its issues, NotMoms share their time with girlfriends, family and animals who bring their own comforts and challenges.
• MOMFRIENDS: NotMoms offering unsolicited parenting advice can be walking a perilous path, but it can be a case-by-case thing, too. Even with an accepting Momfriend, presentation matters. “Why don’t you do such-and-such” may not be heard as well as “What if you did such-and-such” instead. Read More
• GRANDKID GUILT: By-choice NotMoms who are their parents’ only child may have presented their own parents with no-grandkids reality, but future in-laws are another challenge entirely. The weight of the news shouldn’t fall only on the person with the uterus. Read More
• WEDDINGS: Women without a date, mate or a child may not be expecting the happy event to be very happy for them at all, and that’s a shame. Preparation is the key. A new dress is the easiest part; of course you’ll be the best looking female there. The toughest challenge is inside your head. Read More
Give moral support to couples who choose to make their ceremony or reception “Adults Only.”More than a few parents can be upset by this decision, perceiving it as a rejection of themselves and their children. In most cases, the newlyweds aren’t anti-child, but they are budget-conscious.
‘What a strange question’ was my first thought. My real answer is simple and feels very true: A childless marriage is like a celebration of love. What’s yours?
• GIRLFRIENDS: Research has found that women are calmed by the very act of hanging with girlfriends. Females respond to stress by releasing a hormone called oxytocin, you see, and by befriending each other, we generate even more of it. (When men are stressed, they produce high levels of testosterone. Who’s surprised that testosterone negates the soothing benefits of oxytocin?)
• LOOKING FOR LOVE: Super-sized dating sites like Match.com and OK Cupid offer a “childless” filter to review people without children only. There’s also a free dating/networking site, No Kids Passions, part of the niche-focused Passions Network. But, some NotMoms report slim pickings. What advice can you share with women (and men) about finding compatible dates online?
• HEALTHY HOOK-UPS: Relationships can be hard work, whether they’re romantic or simply social. Comedian (and NotMom) Chelsea Handler shares the best advice she ever received on sustaining personal connections:
• FINDING FRIENDS: Parents, fatigued, stressed and all the rest, enjoy various opportunities for new interactions with peers, but geography and other factors can cause NotMoms to work a little harder to find each other, In 2008, a Denver woman wondered why she couldn’t find girlfriends the same way Match.com finds dates. Her solution: SocialJane.com. Post a profile and search the database. Also for women only: GirlfriendCircles and Girlfriend Social and Girlfriendology.
• NOT DADS: About the same proportions of men and women in a 2012 British study said they wanted kids (59 percent of men and 63percent of women). Among that group, half of the men said they experienced “isolation” because they weren’t dads, while just over a quarter of women said the same about lack of Mom-hood. All that prattle about feminine hormones? Out the window. If you want to be a parent and you’re not one, it can hurt. Gender doesn’t really matter. Read more
• PITY, ENVY & REGRET: Beyond the demographic where people still question the choice to be childless, we move on to new perceptions which come in three general forms; regret, pity, and envy. Assumptions of how we’ll feel in the future, or envy for the lifestyle we enjoy. Read More