Child-Free Women Can Say Whatever the [bleep] They Want


Do you swear? You know what I mean.

Does your everyday language include words from a range that starts with “damn” and ends with “motherf-er” or worse? I ask because recently I was reminded of something that I knew, then forgot: Moms generally clean up their language, or run the risk of hearing their preschooler scream “Shit!” at the playground. Me, not so much.

I was watching an episode of E!’s Fashion Police when Melissa Rivers made a bad guess during a contest and yelled, “CRUD!” while stomping her foot. Part of my surprise was the word itself. I’ve heard people say, “Oh, fudge!”, and “Dang!” But, “crud”?  I thought, Crud? Who says crud? And then, the answer came in a flash. A Mom.


The truth is, for all I know, Melissa Rivers has never said a bad word in her life before and after her son’s birth 13 years ago. I factor in her life story, including a career and a famous mother in entertainment, a father who committed suicide and a 2012 breakup because of a boyfriend’s infidelity. I’m betting she’s no cuss word virgin.

Language is just one of the areas good mothers try to clean up after kids arrive. I remember being truly amazed as my sailor-tongued friends successfully reined in their fire — or scheduled it carefully –and re-learned gentle epithets like “heck”, and “darn”.

I don’t have nieces or nephews, and HubbyMine doesn’t either. In my life, there have been very few times when I’ve been in close proximity to a child more than once a month. That’s on average, and I’m even counting someone bringing their kid to the office for a few minutes. That leaves a whole lot of months when my off-the-job persona enjoys a broader vocabulary without a second thought.

Result, I’ve been busted more times than I’m willing to try to count, dropping a four-letter bomb in front of someone shorter than my navel. Conversations get going, I get animated telling a story, and…OOPS, there it is.

The idea of “freedom” comes up often in almost any discussion of the differences between childless women and Moms. Here’s another aspect to consider: You have the freedom to say what you want when you want. Enjoy it.

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3 Responses to “Child-Free Women Can Say Whatever the [bleep] They Want”

  1. Sharkspeare says:

    Fuck yes! I am practically a swear-word artist. I stub my toe, and it’s not just a “fuck” or a “damn” that comes out of my mouth, it’s a stream of profanities, many of which I invent on the spot, and most sentences frequently include the word “cocknose”, which a friend said in college and is highly satisfying to say.
    This is a freedom I enjoy.

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