20 Years, No Children: One Husband’s Story

Karen & Andrew, July 4, 1993

Karen’s husband, Andrew is the author of today’s post.

When I asked My Darling Wife if I might write the post for the 4th of July, we both felt an amount of trepidation. She, I assume, because she had no idea what I might write, and myself because I had no idea what I might write, either. Readers of TheNotMom only know me as “HubbyMine.”

She and I have been married for 20 years as of Independence Day 2013, which is a record in both of our families. The photo is from our wedding day in 1993 when I had more hair. Today, we are NotParents, but separately and for different reasons. My Darling Wife wanted a child in the best possible way, and yet did not, then could not, have one. I have to say, she would have made a great Mom.

Before we were we, I knew her as an associate of the company where we worked. In time, that grew into a friendship. When I was going through my divorce, she would listen and share her opinions, which I valued. We would also have deeply philosophical discussions that included her desire for children. I think she said it as she helped me don a costume for a kids’ Christmas party. When My Darling Wife later found herself facing a divorce, one thing led to another and we fell in love.

With 2 traditional weddings behind us, we eloped to Atlanta. It was the hottest day I can remember, my wife in her splendiferous dress and me in my suit and tie. The upsetting part: a beautiful swimming pool was just10 feet away from the ceremony. I couldn’t jump in, but one of the guests did. SO unfair. We spent much of our wedding night with 250,000 of our closest friends watching fireworks.

It’s been a fantastic 20 years, but sometimes I think after we were married I forgot everything my wife had shared about motherhood. We talked about it from time to time, but being a guy, my idea was, what will be will be. Adoption didn’t really appeal to me, so if God blessed us with a child, great.  If not, there’s great enjoyment in trying.

Spoken like a true guy. I thought our 2-person household had good communication, yet I didn’t realize how truly heartbroken My Darling Wife was about not having a child. I heard, but I did not listen. Any ambivalence she had about it all may have started with me.

Now, we are a bit beyond the childbearing and rearing years. We have both come to terms with our NotParent status, and our lives are good. Through her website, My Darling Wife puts a spotlight on the women who walk that different path with her, whether they got there by choice or by chance. They’re not Moms, and I’ve learned they’re really pretty fabulous. I love the one in my house.

Thank you for being a part of her journey – I know she’s enjoying being a part of yours. It’s Independence Day. Enjoy your personal pursuit of happiness.

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One Response to “20 Years, No Children: One Husband’s Story”

  1. [...] and I chose Mexico for our 20th anniversary fiesta for two. I’ve written before about our preference for hotels offering a larger pool [...]

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