This post is by TheNotMom team writer Laura LaVoie: After a long winter throughout most of the US, summer is finally around the corner. Many areas went from snow to 80 degree temperatures just this month, so it is time to get those pedicures and break out the sandals! Here are some unique vacation ideas for couples and [...]
Forbes has released its 2013 list of The World’s 100 Most Powerful Women. Scrolling through, I found the usual suspects, including Oprah (#13), Beyonce #16), Melinda Gates (#3), Hillary Clinton (#5) and Michelle Obama (#4). Topping the list is German Chancellor Angela Merkel (above). It was Ms. Merkel, the only female at the 2006 G8 Summit, [...]
YourTeenMag.com ran a post titled “Parenting Advice from a Childless Woman” that’s circled round the web to me several times. It’s a measured rant about shopping malls as babysitters and the rude or nonexistent manners seen in so many kids out and about. The writer is Ageleke Zapis, author of A Childless Woman’s Guide To Raising [...]
This week, TheNotMom.com invited women without children in America and elsewhere to take our new survey called One-Fifth & Growing: A Survey of Women Without Children. The objective is to learn more about who these women are and how they live. But, within 24 hours after its release, it was clear that I’d made a big mistake.
Today’s post is very simple: A plea for 10 minutes of your time and a peek into your life. One-Fifth & Growing: A Survey of Women Without Children is available starting today. It’s your opportunity to help correct misperceptions about women child-free by choice and by chance, who they are and how they live. And, TheNotMom.com [...]
Oops! Several days after the fact, I’ve learned that May 15th was the 10th annual International Day of Families. There are SO many “special days” and remembrances on the calendar these days with no possible way to acknowledge them all. But, a day that honors families is for everyone. Absolutely everyone. Established by the United [...]
There’s so much finger-wagging about the obnoxiousness of reality TV that an important point can be overlooked. Sometimes, amidst the bling and boobage, there’s a situation that strongly resonates with viewers’ own lives and keeps them watching. Girlfriend flare-ups. Jealousy. Boyfriend betrayal. Previous posts about the Housewives on BRAVO and Khloe Kardashian noted that there’s a NotMom [...]
This post is by TheNotMom team writer Laura LaVoie: Our website recently celebrated its first birthday with the release of the first NotMom infographic and some thoroughly enjoyed adult beverages. I started writing for TheNotMom.com after I was fuming over the prevalence of “Mommy Blogs.” I had just quit my 15-year career, one that in no way fed my creative [...]
May 25th, 2013 This post is by TheNotMom team writer Laura LaVoie:
After a long winter throughout most of the US, summer is finally around the corner. Many areas went from snow to 80 degree temperatures just this month, so it is time to get those pedicures and break out the sandals!
Here are some unique vacation ideas for couples and singles:
May 24th, 2013 Forbes has released its 2013 list of The World’s 100 Most Powerful Women. Scrolling through, I found the usual suspects, including Oprah (#13), Beyonce #16), Melinda Gates (#3), Hillary Clinton (#5) and Michelle Obama (#4). Topping the list is German Chancellor Angela Merkel (above).
It was Ms. Merkel, the only female at the 2006 G8 Summit, who received an unsolicited shoulder massage from President George W. Bush and the video went viral. Married, but never a Mom, she caught my attention. I kind of like her style. Forbes explained that she and her powerful peeps are “actually shifting our very idea of clout and authority and, in the process, transforming the world in fresh and exhilarating ways.”
May 23rd, 2013 YourTeenMag.com ran a post titled “Parenting Advice from a Childless Woman” that’s circled round the web to me several times. It’s a measured rant about shopping malls as babysitters and the rude or nonexistent manners seen in so many kids out and about.
The writer is Ageleke Zapis, author of A Childless Woman’s Guide To Raising Children
May 22nd, 2013 This week, TheNotMom.com invited women without children in America and elsewhere to take our new survey called One-Fifth & Growing: A Survey of Women Without Children. The objective is to learn more about who these women are and how they live. But, within 24 hours after its release, it was clear that I’d made a big mistake.
May 20th, 2013 Today’s post is very simple: A plea for 10 minutes of your time and a peek into your life.
One-Fifth & Growing: A Survey of Women Without Children is available starting today. It’s your opportunity to help correct misperceptions about women child-free by choice and by chance, who they are and how they live.
And, TheNotMom.com hopes to become your preferred resource for women without children, but we need your feedback to do it. Tell us what you like about the site, and what you don’t.
Finally, many a NotMom complains about advertisers’ narrow focus of Mom-vision. By sharing a bit of information about your consumer choices, you’ll prove the need for new thinking by anyone influenced only by spending power and buying preferences.
May 19th, 2013 Oops! Several days after the fact, I’ve learned that May 15th was the 10th annual International Day of Families. There are SO many “special days” and remembrances on the calendar these days with no possible way to acknowledge them all. But, a day that honors families is for everyone. Absolutely everyone.
Established by the United Nations in 1993, the International Day of Families ”provides the opportunity to promote awareness of issues relating to families and to increase knowledge of the social, economic and demographic processes affecting families worldwide.”
This is certainly another instance where the definition of “family” includes children and youth. The reality is that the 2013 theme, ”Advancing Social Integration and Intergenerational Solidarity,” fits families of very disparate structures.
May 18th, 2013 There’s so much finger-wagging about the obnoxiousness of reality TV that an important point can be overlooked. Sometimes, amidst the bling and boobage, there’s a situation that strongly resonates with viewers’ own lives and keeps them watching. Girlfriend flare-ups. Jealousy. Boyfriend betrayal.
Previous posts about the Housewives on BRAVO and Khloe Kardashian noted that there’s a NotMom tucked into the cast of some of the most popular reality shows. The viewer generally gains that information by watching what should be a woman’s private discussion about trying to have, or wanting to have, a baby.
I decided to catch a new BRAVO production, Married to Medicine, to see if it strayed from the Housewives formula. It didn’t. Doctors’ wives act just as crazy, physically fighting in evening gowns. One of the physicians in the group, Dr. Jacqueline Walters, decides to be Peacemaker, convening a face-to-face, get-it-out-of-your-system event. She couldn’t have foreseen the ending, charged with being an ineffective moderator because she doesn’t have kids.
May 17th, 2013 This post is by TheNotMom team writer Laura LaVoie:
Our website recently celebrated its first birthday with the release of the first NotMom infographic and some thoroughly enjoyed adult beverages. I started writing for TheNotMom.com after I was fuming over the prevalence of “Mommy Blogs.”
I had just quit my 15-year career, one that in no way fed my creative soul, and began the journey of being a freelance writer. What I found when I searched writing jobs was the majority of gigs available for women online were Mommy Blog jobs, and I don’t precisely qualify.
At first, I got annoyed. Then I wanted action. Why in the world would Mommies be the only source of women’s voices on the internet? In my determined Googling, I discovered this site. An email and a phone call later, I was writing for the blog. It has been a crazy good year for this freelance writer.
May 15th, 2013 Need an example of ‘thinking outside the box’? Try this: The decision by CBS Sunday Morning to lead off its Mother’s Day episode with an eight-minute segment on America’s NotMoms.
Correspondent Tracy Smith (herself a mother of twins) starts with the abundance of the Duggar family’s 19 children, spinning to their polar opposite, women who don’t have or dont want children. It was a bold air date, to be sure.
However, conversation generated by the piece, as reflected in the Comments, at least, is multi-dimensional, with aspects ranging from bigotry to intellectualized fervor. At least one person shared a predictable “This disrespects Mother’s Day and I’ll never watch CBS again.” Mostly, the idea that growing numbers of women are deliberately choosing not to have kids spins some people quickly into Red State/Blue State diatribes about subjects unrelated to the topic at hand. Through it all, childfree by choice women get the most heat; there’s little (if any) talk of women childless by chance.
(Image Credit: CBS Sunday Morning)
May 13th, 2013 There’s no un-self-serving way to say this:
One year old today. As Sinatra sang, it’s been a very good year.
A year ago, with my fresh-from-Kinko’s business plan in hand, I set out to create the website I had searched for years ago, when my own grief and regret blocked any acceptance of life as a NotMom. I also hoped to create the website I wanted for myself in 2012, not sad nor mean nor whiny, not limited to a silo of only by-chance or by-choice women.
Thank you all for visiting, for returning and for sharing posts with your friends. Readers are finding this site at a such steady pace that it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I have been touched time and again by stories and emotions shared by the commenters here and on the Facebook page. They let me know I’m on a good path. Steady support from women in the U.K., Australia and other locales around the globe is stronger than anticipated, too. Seven months ago, TheNotMom.com surpassed the number of visits I’d estimated for all of 2013.
I’ve made dozens of new and supportive contacts online and off who are full of helpful recommendations and info, and many are Moms who understand how the site might benefit their NotMom friends. Among those new contacts: writer Laura LaVoie, whose voice gives depth and dimension to the site each week. Laura’s presence on TheNotMom team represents an unsolicited blessing; what I call a ‘hug from the Universe’ – the arrival of assistance, comfort or praise just when you need it most. I met my amazing blog coach, Jenny Barnett Rohrs from Craft Test Dummies when she “just happened” to sit next to me in a LaGuardia Airport waiting room.
May 12th, 2013 We wish every that every NotMom enjoys Mother’s Day as a chance to show love and gratitude to her own mother, if that’s how she truly feels. Or, perhaps it’s just another Sunday, offering self-directed options for fun or chores or work brought home from the office. But, every NotMom reacts to Mother’s Day differently. Most childfree by choice women could care less about a day for Mothers. Conversely, many by-chance NotMoms are lost in “What if” or “Why not me?”
This week’s poll asks, What’s your Mother’s Day barometer look like? In the few days since it was posted, just over 50 readers have responded so far, but it may be telling that the most popular answer has steadily been, “Needle on Red: I am despondent.”
May 11th, 2013 As a By Chance NotMom, there was once a time when a foray to the grocery store on the Saturday before Mother’s Day would send me home in tears. “Happy Mother’s Day!”, from the guy in Produce. “You be sure to have a happy Mother’s Day!”, from the meat guy. A free carnation at checkout.
That was years ago. With age, time and a good chunk of acceptance, I can say that I’ve come a long way. I can take a ”Happy Mother’s Day!” with the same smiling response I’d give to “Have a good weekend.”
May 10th, 2013 This post is by TheNotMom team writer Laura LaVoie:
Mother’s Day is pretty low-impact for this NotMom. I call my own mother and talk to her, see how she is doing, and tell her I love her. I might post on Facebook to acknowledge all of the other Moms in my life – like my sister and some of my oldest friends. But then, I go about my regular business. I’m not a Mom, so the day just isn’t that important to me.
I’m not so sure it should be important to anyone.
Here’s the thing. Do we really need just one day a year to tell our Moms that we love them?
May 9th, 2013 In a recent article about former presidential candidate Mitt Romney’s address to Southern Virginia University’s 2013 graduating class, award-winning journalist Kathryn Joyce introduced me to the “quiverfull” concept that is supported by thousands of Christians, primarily across the U.S. The parents featured in TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting are said to follow a quiverfull lifestyle.
In a review of Ms. Joyce’s book on the subject, Publishers Weekly offers this definition:
Quiverfull is “a little-known movement among Christian evangelicals that rejects birth control and encourages couples to have as many children as possible. The movement, which takes its name from a verse in Psalm 127, advocates a retreat from society and a rejection of government policies that encourage equal rights for women, pregnancy prevention and an individualistic ethic.”
And, the pertinent section of Psalm 127:
“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”
Are children the only ammunition available? Why are they equated with weaponry? While the female followers of the quiverfull philosophy deliver child after child, this Old Testament passage leaves women without children “unarmed” and alone with empty quivers.
May 8th, 2013 Today I met a woman who discovered this site “by accident” and happens to live in the same city as I do. We met for lunch and i spent much of it marveling at her comments that brought online responses to life. Her story: Now a franchise business owner, she married in her 40s. She knows that the fact that her 3 closest girlfriends are also NotMoms is a special blessing in itself.
Fired up with enthusiasm for the lack of “poor me” sentiments at TheNotMom.com, she offered several encouraging suggestions for growth. The idea I liked best was to connect and reach out to every woman on the Famous NotMoms page through Twitter. Why didn’t I think of that? Analytics consistently show that to be the site’s most popular page. Why? Why not? Who doesn’t like to find someone else like themselves? Who doesn’t want a tribe? A community?
May 6th, 2013 I believe that any human over the age of 30 has experienced the truth that Life Can Be Strange. Way beyond mere coincidences, I’m talking about those unexpected or ironic twists of plot and character that leave you talking out loud to yourself. I call it God’s sense of humor.
The story shared in an earlier post of the childless woman behind Mother’s Day is a good example. The love and gratitude that Anna Jarvis felt for her own mother led her to spent more than a decade tirelessly working for a day to honor all mothers. The fact that Anna was never herself a Mom, or even a wife, is a powerful little historical tidbit. The rest of her tale, including single-focus efforts to stop the Mother’s Day juggernaut, is Strange to the 10th power.
And now I’ve learned about another of history’s lesser known NotMoms, Frances Gerety.
To sum her up in 2 words, The New York Times recently compared Frances to Peggy Olson, the pioneering ad exec on Mad Men. In real-life, Frances built a long and successful career as one of the few female copywriters at a large Madison Avenue ad agency. During the 1940s, women in that role worked with the women-y clients. Frances’ assignment: DeBeers, a South African company controlling the world’s supply of rough diamonds.
In the first step of a lengthy campaign to show Americans that everyone, not just the ultra-wealthy, needs diamond jewelry, Frances came up with this gem:
“A diamond is forever.”
May 4th, 2013 “The simple fact – not that it is anyone’s damn business in the first place – is that most childless women today feel the decision was taken out of their hands through lack of financial and emotional security.”
That sentence is lifted from a powerful commentary by Wendy Squires, a writer in Melbourne, Australia. I might amend the descriptor to say that many, not most, childless women …, but otherwise, anecdotally, at least, I agree!
Women choosing not to have children are getting the media buzz right now, but the larger, bubbling undertow holds millions of wanna-be Moms mired in a marketplace of men below their standards. That’s the study to look for.
Beyond its universal reflections, Ms. Squires’ honesty strikes home, miles from the writer, into my little office in northeast Ohio. And, judging by reactions to the article on our Facebook page, my reaction isn’t unique.
May 3rd, 2013 The medical journal Pediatrics published a study in April confirming that most American 17- to 19-year-olds are sexually active. According to the study, only 30% of slightly younger teens - 15- and 16-year-olds – are having sex. Those stats, a hard reality for parents, are entwined in ongoing current arguments.
Sad to say, The Deciders aren’t as invested in how much easier your life might be if you could pick up a pack of pills in the same aisle as tampons. A recent poll reveals that 2/3 of women age 18-44 are in favor of OTC birth control, and the the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists is, too. But, this is America, and some voters are concerned about those 15-16-year-olds, preferring that they ‘just say no’ or get parents involved before a birth control puchase.
Women participating in the study said for them, easy access would be convenient, save time and money and prevent unintended pregnancies. They also noted that some women might choose a pill not suited for them.
May 2nd, 2013 This post is by TheNotMom team writer Laura LaVoie:
Many non-parents refer to their pets as children, or furbabies, or other terms that indicate a familial relationship. Many parents find this practice nauseating, suggesting that the thought of a human having a parental relationship with an animal is actually a problem with our society.
I belong in a camp that is firmly in the middle.
We have a cat. She turned 12 on April 29th. She cordially requested cheese in lieu of cards or presents. We’ve had her since she was 13 weeks old, and she is more than a pet. Intellectually, we understand that she is not our child, though we do find ourselves referring to each other as her Mommy and Daddy when we’re talking to her. We have no idea why, but after more than a decade it is way too late to stop doing it now.
Is the question really “Are our pets a replacement for children?” Or, are we asking the wrong question to begin with? Some people simply have more of an affinity for animals and less of it for children. I know plenty of families with kids and pets who feel similarly about their own animals. So, why do I sometimes feel judged for my choice to have a pet and not a kid?
May 1st, 2013 May 1st is the birthday of Anna Jarvis, generally credited as the founder of Mother’s Day. Mothers in the U.S. and elsewhere owe a ‘Thank You’ to Anna, a woman who never married, and never had children.
Anna carried on the efforts of her mother, Ann Marie Reeves Jarvis, to lobby for a national holiday honoring mothers. The elder Mrs. Jarvis died in 1905. It was Anna who campaigned for a decade, forming committees, writing to officials, visiting churches and ultimately raising broader support. In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson declared the second Sunday in May “Mother’s Day,” and Anna turned her focus to getting similar holidays established abroad.
If only the story ended there. Instead, I think Mother’s Day drove Anna a little bit crazy.
April 30th, 2013 There’s a story floating around about a New York man who died in 2012 at 97, leaving a fortune worth $40 million…to no one. No children, no surviving family members, no heirs. A year later, if distant relatives in Poland cannot be found, it looks like his $40 million is going to the State of New York.
His name was Roman Blum (upper left, shirtless, in 1983), a Holocaust survivor and real estate developer. He built hundreds of homes across Long Island, NY. The state comptroller’s office told the New York Times that Mr. Blum is responsible for the largest unclaimed estate in New York State history.
According to the NY Times, “Roman Blum was, by all accounts, an emotional man with a large personality. Six feet tall and handsome, he was a ladies’ man, a gambler and a drinker. He was also enterprising and tough in business.”
Mr. Blum divorced his wife, Eva, after 50 years of marriage. She preceded him in death in 1992. The Times disclosed rumors that “Mrs. Blum had been a subject of the dreaded Dr. Josef Mengele while at Auschwitz, and his experiments had rendered her infertile.” Bless her.
It’s not Mrs. Blum who offers a lesson for today’s NotMoms. It’s her husband.
April 29th, 2013 April 29, 2013 marks another milestone in TV history as two legendary soap operas cancelled by ABC-TV are reborn online at Hulu: All My Children and One Life to Live. Their creator, 85 y/o Agnes Nixon said,
”Soap operas made history by being the first shows to move from radio to TV. Now they’re the first to move from TV to the Internet.”
I weaned myself from Erica Kane‘s world years ago, and btw, she’s not part of the online cast. I wish them well in their new medium. On the Internet, the dialogue, and maybe the love scenes, are sure to be racier than what network TV allowed. Will the women be more real, too?
April 28th, 2013 When I was a teen, a college student, and finally, a young adult in the world, I heard many, many things about what to expect when I had a child. Because, of course, I would have a child. I wanted children. Of course, it would happen in good time, right?
In high school, I can’t remember exactly how I learned the details of episiotomy, but I do remember that the knowledge messed me up. An incision — a snipping – of the tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus believed for years to aid in childbirth. It’s not as common a practice now. Yay.
In my junior year of college, a dorm-mate dropped out late in her pregnancy. A group of us visited her after the birth. We watched spellbound as she unveiled what used to be a highly sexual breast so that the baby could feed from it. She admitted that sometimes the baby’s sucking turned her on.
Years later, during one of my best friend’s pregnancies, she told me that a horrific bout of hemorrhoids left her crying on the bathroom floor.
If I’d actually given birth to a child, all this info would have been helpful. Child-Free Me, on the other hand, only heard a lot of assumptions and opinions from others. Hard facts? Those I had to figure out for myself.
April 27th, 2013 On a recent episode of Ellen, the audience of mostly young women went guano crazy when they found out Justin Timberlake was the show’s primary guest. When the surprise was revealed, the audience went wild. Not ‘Oprah’s Giving Me A Car’ Wild, but close.
Amid the initial pandemonium, the camera pans the audience on three white-haired women who may or may not know who Justin Timberlake is. I’m pretty sure that they missed Ellen’s clue that the mystery guest “looks good in a suit and tie.”
After Justin reveals himself, he dances up the aisles and the women shift to a new level of screaming zombies Every now and then, the camera finds one of the few men in the audience calmly watching Timberlake, but so calmly that it’s hard to tell if they’re fans or not. One thing for sure, they’re an uncomfortable minority in the sea of near-orgasmic women. Same for the older trio – even if they were fans, their quiet demeanor set them apart.
Alone in my office, I laughed out loud, remembering my own Oprah moment. Through a friend’s contact, I was in the audience of The Oprah Winfrey Show (above left) at Harpo Studios in Chicago. I have never loved Nan as much before or since. It was 2003 or 2004, and for me, it was a dream come true. It wasn’t until we were allowed to leave the holding area for the actual taping area that we learned what the show’s subject would be. [insert ominous music here]
April 26th, 2013 Childless and childfree women come in lots of shapes and sizes. We are all colors, all cultures, and all ages. As much as we have in common, we are also very different. Some people say it is strange to define ourselves by things that we are not, so let’s determine what we are instead.
Childfree blogger Laura LaVoie interviews women bloggers without children who answer the question, “If you’re not a mom, then what are you?”
In Interview 7, we meet Loribeth, the woman behind The Road Less Travelled. After years of infertility treatment and delivery of a stillborn child mid-pregnancy, Loribeth made a brave choice to blog about her journey.
Tell me about yourself and your blog.
I am 52 years old and have been married for almost 28 years. I work in corporate communications, and am a long-time employee with the same large company (27 years).
Why did you start blogging?
Blogs did not exist when I first started looking to the Internet for support after my daughter was stillborn in 1998. The Internet was still very new (I just got my first home PC & went online in late 1996) & I felt a bit leery putting myself out there.
I did find a private e-mail list for women who had lost a baby in pregnancy or infancy and were trying for another – that felt “safer” and it was a huge support for me. I am still in touch with two women that I “met” through that list. My husband & I attended a “real life” pregnancy loss support group and then wound up facilitating it. We were with the group for more than 10 years in all. But my daily Internet fix was my daily lifeline that got me through each day until the next group meeting.
As time went on and we were going through infertility treatment, I started poking around some of the infertility sites and message boards. After we made the decision to stop infertility treatment – in the summer of 2001, when I was 40 – I started looking for resources for women like me, who had wanted children but were facing a life without them. Needless to say, there wasn’t a whole lot out there – it’s not exactly what women going through infertility treatment want to hear, that not everyone gets a baby out of this process. But I did find a few message boards and sites, one board in particular, which was a huge support for me. Sadly, it no longer exists, but I am still in touch with several of the women from that site today, through Facebook and through another, private forum that we set up.
I suppose one reason why so few people are writing and talking about life without children after infertility and loss is that they just get on with their lives and try to put the past behind them. For whatever reason, I haven’t quite been able to do that. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life and I don’t sit around moping all day about what I don’t have.
April 24th, 2013 This is a follow-up to yesterday’s post on Famous NotMoms who’ve written some of the world’s most endearing children’s books. Today’s category? the White House! America has elected seven Presidents without children. But, that stat represents just three childless First Ladies.
President James Buchanan never married. Presidents George Washington and James Madison never had children, either, though Martha Dandridge Custis Washington, the first First Lady, and Dolley Madison, had several from previous marriages. Rachel and President Andrew Jackson adopted a nephew years before she died just days before his inauguration.
The most recent First Lady NotMom was Florence Harding (above left), wife of President Warren G., in office 1921-1923. Could a child-free family meet approval with today’s voters? It’d have to be a heck of a candidate.
April 23rd, 2013 No matter the life condition, it’s human nature to want to learn about people who are like you. There’s an instinctive questing for a tribe. This site’s feature on famous women with children is consistently one of the site’s most popular pages.
I don’t actually know what pulls humans to experience such quiet happiness when they meet someone they believe to be like themselves. When fame is involved, there’s an element of “If she can do it, maybe I can, too!”
I initially planned the page in a response to a woman who asked me, almost tearfully, “What do I leave behind? What is my legacy?” The Famous NotMom page celebrates nothin’ but legacies.
It’s time to add some more.
April 21st, 2013 Do you agree that there’s a “new breed” of woman on TV these days? LA Times TV critic Mary McNamara argued the point in a lengthy piece full of insights:
“The female leads of House of Cards, Parade’s End, Girls, The Good Wife, Enlightened, Homeland, Parks and Recreation and Game of Thrones are very different sorts of women who share one important trait: We have never seen their like before…
“They work and they parent; love but don’t always marry; betray or suffer betrayal but don’t necessarily divorce; have flaws, including mental illness, but are not destroyed by them. Most important, they falter, they despair, and then they move on.”
There’s also this prominently placed disclaimer: “Although lacking in demographic diversity — they are all white and mostly middle class.”
Sigh. The ‘new breed’ represents an evolution for TV’s women. It even features several women without children. Yet, it isn’t quite true to who we really are.
April 18th, 2013 Harvard University has proclaimed that childless households are now the norm across the U.S. For good or bad, you and I are part of history.
Researcher George Masnick Fellow summed it up this way: “The increase in households without children surpassed the 5.3 million growth of households with children by a considerable margin.”
Reduced to cold numbers, America’s growing demographic of homes without kids in them shows a wave of societal change generally happening under the radar.
April 14th, 2013 Introducing a niche community within a niche community: NotMom Moms. Women who didn’t necessarily want children…but unexpectedly have them in their day-to-day life. This is no episode of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. The scenario is more like this: Contentedly child-free woman goes to sleep. The next day, she’s a Mom. Wham! Bam! Child! Talk about a mind-blower.
This concept is sure to get more attention now that OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network, plans to premiere a new program on Saturday, April 20th: Raising Whitley. Comedian Kim Whitley (left, with adopted son Joshua) was living a high-flying, single girl life in California when a hospital called to say that the young girl she mentored through the Big Brother/Big Sister organization had given birth. The baby had been abandoned, with Kim listed as guardian. Kim had just one hour to make the decision of her life, or the child would go to foster care.
April 13th, 2013 As the number of child-free Americans continues to rise, including empty nesters, singles and adults without children, their population changes the landscape of ethnic and working-class areas near urban locales,
Neighborhood gentrification “is something all cities go through as they mature,” says Bert Sperling, whose Sperling’s Best Places, a demographic research company in Portland, OR that provided the data for a 2012 MSN Real Estate profile of the best urban neighborhoods for childless adults.
Sperling chose the following “10 great neighborhoods” for adults without children:
April 6th, 2013 This post is by TheNotMom team writer Laura LaVoie:
I just celebrated my 38th birthday, and my husband celebrated his 39th just a few days later. We are both kind of beyond the demographic where people still question our choice to be childless. We have moved on to new perceptions which come in three general forms; regret, pity, and envy.
“You will regret this one day.”
“I’m so sad you’ll never know what this kind of love feels like.”
“I wish I could do the things you do.”
When I was younger, I would often say that I “reserved the right to change my mind.” This wasn’t a statement that meant I wanted children someday. Rather, it was a defense mechanism to avoid more uncomfortable conversations with people, women especially, who felt that I was making a huge mistake with my life. By telling them I could in fact decide one day to have children I was taking away their primary argument, “regret.”
March 6th, 2013 Mothers are subdivided into so many different groupings: single moms, special needs moms, moms-to-be, adoptive moms, military moms, celebrity moms, empty nest moms, moms of multiples, mocha moms, first-time moms, soccer moms, and on and on. Similarly, women without children fall into different silos, too.
Almost every day, another NotMom shares her story with me, and often, they share unique challenges as an only child. No sisters or brothers means no nieces or nephews, and marriage doesn’t always provide them, either. I’m in that category, and though I was blessed to watch my lovely, smart goddaughter and her brother grow up to be awesome adults, they lived several states away. If you’re looking to build a relationship with a youngster in your day-to-day life, there are several avenues to explore.
